God is so amazing, amen?
“See, O Lord, how distressed I am! I am in torment within, and in my heart I am disturbed, for I have been most rebellious.”
Lamentations 1:20
I want to start off by apologizing to several people. If you’ve had a week where it seemed you weren’t on spot, or at your best, if things didn’t turned out the way you thought it should be, it had nothing to do with you, and everything to do with God’s all-encompassing love and compassion for one rebellious child. That’d be me. *g* You see, when you forgot things at home, or when the words failed to flow from your tongue, when things had to be improvised, God was showing me something.
I love music. I love the cadence, the highs and lows. The words that create stories in such a short space. I’ve longed to be gifted in music. I’ve had visions of my fingers flying across the black and white keys with grace and efficiency like Dino, but sadly, as hard as I’ve tried my tunes have always sounded more like an infant banging on pots and pans.
My father is musically gifted on the drums and guitar. When my husband sings it’s hard not to be moved. My three girls all play the piano. One of them also plays the guitar and writes lyrics. She has a gift that can only come from God. My son sings, he just hasn’t realized his gift yet. I’ve often joked about my lack of musical abilities, but deep inside my lack has saddened me.
Several months ago, my husband had asked me to sing with him in church. It hadn’t been the first time, but it was the first time that I really knew I needed to obey the urging in my heart. Of course, I did not. My fear of making a fool of myself in front of our entire congregation got the best of me. I recall sitting on the porch and watching him drive away as he went to praise and worship practice. My heart broke. And I had nobody to blame but myself for my disobedience.
As the weeks passed by, I continued to watch my husband drive off to praise and worship practice. Secretly, I prayed for another chance. If only he’d asked me again, I’d choke down my fear and try to be obedient. Honestly, I would. But he didn’t. He didn’t ask. Not because he was disappointed in me (believe me, he had no idea what God was doing in me), but I think because he knew I’d say no.
Finally, after a long wait he asked me this week. And boy was I scared, but I went to practice with him. I even slunk up to the stage and sat on the stool. I tried to sink into the wall but I wasn’t throwing-up-scared. It wasn’t until after we were done that I began to doubt. Thoughts bombarded my mind. I worried that I’d be so pitchy it’d make the congregation uncomfortable and they wouldn’t be able to worship God or hear the message.
In the days between practice and yesterday’s service God showed me a few things. One, I witnessed several professional musicians sing totally off-key, yet His message still came across. Two, I received some great advice from a fellow writer; I may not be able to do it, but God can. And three, He showed me through the entire service that even though man tries to orchestrate the events of the day, He has a greater plan.
Yes, I did go up on stage. And yes, I did sing. And yes, my heart was much lighter after stepping into obedience. I thank God for giving me another opportunity to be obedient. Does that mean I’m called to sing? Not necessarily. I don’t think it’s my God-given gift, not like it is for my husband and my children, but it can be my offering.
Have you ever felt an urging from God and disobeyed? Where you given the chance to make it right? Are you being disobedient now?
Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name. Bring an offering and come before him; worship the Lord in the splendor of his holiness.
1 Chronicles 16:29